BEFORE THE ARCHITECT – YOUR HOME DESIGN GUIDE, HOME BUILDING GUIDELINES
A MUST READ. New, 951-page Your Home Designing & Your Home Building Best-Seller -"Home Design Standards-Home Building Standards" 3Q09
19 DEADLY SINS
This is about premature ejection . . .
To all who pass this way, please know that what's to follow is harvested from life experience consulting on, home designing, and drawing home plans.
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We design custom homes, author custom home plans, home design and, rarely, plan major home remodels. Our craft is now after the way better part of a collective century on the hard side of home design and home building - doing it ourselves. Our clients are not just anybodies. There's a sense we've developed for a good client right from the start, and for the rest right from the start...usually.
These 19 Deadly Sins are a part of our life story, based on home design and home building learned at the granite knee of experience. This litany of prospect and client sinning is the basis for accepting roughly 1 or 2 in 20 prospects, working all the way through with 8 or 9 in 10 clients.
If any two* from the following list apply to a prospect or a real client, we say please do NOT contact Before The Architect anymore. Go screw up someone else's business. We're not right for you. These lines may be sung a cappella to that oldie but goodie "Dolorous Dirge of the Dastardly Deadbeat" or "Don't You Dare Darken My Doorstep or Desktop (Again)" or "Deadbeats and Worse That We Wish We'd Never Known (and Did)"
1. I am taking care of this for another (who’s
actually paying). This'd be akin to "big hat, no cattle" or, " or
'I don't need anyone to tell me what to do, I'm a big boy now.'
2.
I have a tiny budget that I won't tell you
about (or I'm just a loser on the loose), and I'll put up a big stink when
you break over it or maybe even bill me at all. (Variants: I know what this
should cost ['cause it's all I'm going to pay]; I know you’re cheaper,
right?;
Well
sure, this is going to be a stretch for us; I'm much too important to pay the going rate; I expect to benefit
from your intellectual property way more than you'll benefit from my paying
your fee, indeed, if I pay at all; I'm gonna wait for your first invoice or
another later on, and put it on you that I didn't specifically authorize the
work you did; I'm scratching around for the best for beaucoups less than the
least.) This'd be akin to "no hat, no cattle."
3. I could do this, if I had the time (Variants:
if it were up to me, I wouldn't have done it the way you did it; I'm
slumming for the things that matter less to me; I have a degree in
Architecture, so don't try anything funny, mister; I have more than one
degree in Engineering so don't tell me what I already know which is
everything better than you ever will which is, in fact, about all there is
to know, don't you know; I'm from Nashville and I know it all, anyway; I'll
tell you what to do.)
4. Help me make the architect that I've hired listen to me. (Variation: we're so disappointed by the architects and home designers we've approached so far, because a) I make no sense, b) haven't a clue what I'm doing, c) they know me better than I know myself and I think they don't like what they know, d) my Mommy won't come with me, WAH, WAH.) Comment: Ya gotta be careful with this one; sometimes, prospective clients' clearly expressed interests and intensions have been kicked to the curb.
5. I am doing this because I’m told that I have
to. (A/k/a slam, bam, thank you ma'am, it isn't as though I'd appreciate
your work; I am a victim, I am, I am; I crashed and burned on my own; I
crashed and burned with help akin to the cheap seats.)
6. My relative is the general contractor
(Variants: I built a house [or less, say, a deck] once upon a time, so I am
an expert; you don't need to get specific, I'm very handy; my Dad was an
architect - did my last house he did and the acorn fell only a short distance from that mighty old oak
by golly-gosh - got one beauty under my belt already; I'm doing this so I
can brag about how design pros kissed my butt over the drawings I did upfront.)
7. You do just enough to get the permit (variants of which are, among others: I don't need elevations; another variant of which is - I need something to market the house, impress buyers, but not enough to even get a permit; I need a house that'll blow down better, faster the next time so I don't have to hassle with government toadies and insurance suits over what's left: How about greater than 24 linear inches on center, huh?).
8. Help me, engineers run from my
problem like their hair was on fire. (Variant: Do you do weird houses?)
9. You settle this dispute (including, but not limited to, marital dispute, dispute with an architect, dispute with an inspector, general contractor, supplier, etc.; a/k/a why me? . . . my upset is all your doing, your fault, you dirty rat . . . I know how to do this, I can do it, I can, I can)
10. I've had this picture of my perfect house in my
head for oh so long, and just never could get others to see it. (Variant:
let's you and two other groups work on prototypes for bubkes so that we can
judge which of you gets the big enchilada; do you do wierd?)
11. I waited too long, now I'm in a hurry. (Variant: I've dragged this out, taken too many turns and turns back, so let's move it along guy, wrap it up fast as you can go, get 'er done . . .)
12. You can’t talk with my partner. Sounds like . . . I'm a grown man; I
can handle it myself.
13. Send me the .dwg file.
(Variant: I drew in The Chief and you only draw in Autocad, so learn to work in
The Chief and hurry up.)
14. Well, things aren't exactly the way I said the last time, things have changed . . . a lot. (Variants: That's not what a professional home designer would have done; That's not what I had hoped for; That's not what I expected - I expected miracles, mind-reading, magic for little or nothing, preferably nothing.) Note: This doesn't include genuine differences in definition, e.g., masonry 'veneer' in lieu of masonry 'wythe' wherein veneer can cover more than intended and wythe is not commonly recognized; however, 'thingy' will count against.
15. Show me some of your work [having paid no attention to 1,000+ webpages of text and pics of all aspects of our work, almost 100 articles on searchwarp.com or had the stones to buy our 880-page e-book on home designing and home building standards].
16. Gotta have a contract. (Not once, since we started work in the '60s, have we formally contracted for work of any kind. What we've experienced first-hand over and over – Doing business with an honest client, you don't need a contract. Doing business with a dishonest client, a contract doesn't mean diddly-squat. ) Sometimes, this comes up with a plaintive "How about a ballpark figure so's I can compare it to the guy I just met at 7-11 who's home bidding to draw good for me?"
17. Do you hold checks?
18. Hi, I'm a real estate broker. (Variants: Hi,
I'm a real estate speculative developer; Hi, I'm a building contractor; Hi,
I'm a professional building tradesman; Hi, I'm a real estate lawyer.) [This
applies whether you're retired, the real deal, or a wannabe.] ** No
one can hear the sound of their own voice like these guys can hear the sound of
their own voice.
19. Hi, I'm a real estate broker. (Variants: Hi,
I'm a real estate developer; Hi, I'm a contractor; Hi, I'm a professional
building tradesman; Hi, I'm a real estate lawyer.) [This applies whether
you're retired, the real deal, or a wannabe.] ** Corollary: Folks with
egos bigger than brains need not apply, e.g., but not to the general
exclusion of others, no politicians, no performing artists and athletes.
*Two acts of a single sin are equal to one act each of two different sins. NOTE WELL: TWO CLASSES HAVE BEEN ADDED TO 18. AND 19. - ALL LAWYERS, ALL ENTERTAINERS/MUSICIANS.
**For those slow with subtlety, these are two-fers right from the get-go: real estate brokers, speculative real estate developers, building contractors, building tradesmen - all are categorically banned from our services. You see, we have a conflict of interest with respect to this pack of professionals: we're interested in getting paid. Note that sins 18 and 19 do not involve architects, home designers, engineers, and inspectors.
If you're still in good humor or, even better, laughing, chances are excellent that you'll make another great client.
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